20 November 2014

What Happen's in the Bedroom...



...should stay in the bedroom. Or so most people say. But of course I'm not most people. Instead of keeping my everyday thoughts and woes behind closed doors, I choose to air my dirty laundry (which from this post you'll know that my laundry is kept in impeccable order) on t'internet for all to have a ganders. From sharing my family's naughty sides to life's little trials, I'm practically one butt cheek away from turning into Kim Kardashian-I-love-me-who-do-you-love-West. Slight exaggeration...but there's just something ever so therapeutic about getting a few things off your chest in cyber space. And this week seemed as good as any to open up about the one argument the Hubster and I have on a regular basis...and that's in the bedroom department. 

Probably now is a good time to point out that this might not be the sort of saucy 'kiss and tell' blog post you might be hoping for expecting...sorry. Discussing all things raunchy bring me out in a real state of mortificano, as you might remember from our Fifty Shades of Shame fiasco. So no positions, frequency or tips here...oh no. Just a good old fashioned martial rant, with the difference being here, for once I'm ranting about me not him. Shock horror...I know. It's not often I'll admit that I'm the one at fault, but on this occasion, the rules can be bent slightly.


Now I like a snuggle as much as the next person, but in the real world of co-habitation, no normal couple settles down to sleep wrapped in each others arms for a night of blissful cocooned sleep. I've often seen it in films and thought, what are we doing wrong? I can't sleep entwined like too hot lovers- it's not natural and it certainly isn't comfortable. If that was the case then the Husbter would wake up without the use of one of his arms from my weight cutting off it's circulation all night long, and I'll no doubt get cramp in my neck from using his rock hard shoulder as a pillow. I'd have to walk around like a decrepit zombie for the rest of the day, thinking wow, that snuggle was so worth the pain. Not.

A typical night for the Alburys' usually consists of three stages of debate...

Bedroom Debate #1... Bed Slugging 

This sounds like a new dance move that will give twerking a run for its money, but sadly it's not. It's a term of endearment that my Husband so kindly uses on a daily basis...

Him: Move over you slug. 
Me: I have moved over. This is my side. 
Him: You're on my side. Stop slugging over my side! 
Me: I'm not slugging...
Him: You are...I can feel you slugging! 
Me: I'm not moving...
Him: Move over you slug! 

Who says romance is dead? 

Bedroom Debate #2...Quilt Hogging

I don't know how this happens, it just does. It's probably down to the fact that if I'm being made to move over from my comfy slug position in the center of the bed, then I'm taking the quilt with me. It's only fair. 

Bedroom Debate #3...Snoring, Talking, Muttering...

You name it, I apparently do it. The only reason I know I do it, is because in my blissful and unconscious state, the lovely Husbter is documenting my actions to use as evidence the following morning (examples can be found here). Oopsie. What can I say, I'm a deep sleeper and I've clearly got a lot to get of my chest even whilst I sleep. If only I could blog in my sleep too...now that would be fab. 

The only time when our nights are less eventful is when we sleep in a bigger bed. Which isn't often, but when we do, it's obvious that a bigger bed could solve our little marital issue when it comes to settling down for a nights sleep. I know that if we were to buy a new bed one day, that we'd sure as heck go for a Super King Size bed from somewhere like Carpetright (I didn't know they did beds either until now...!) A bigger bed would mean that I could slug into the center of it with ease, still leaving ample space for the Hubster to not even notice that I've slugged, and it might even stop me hogging the quilt. But I can't promise I wouldn't snore...he just might have to learn to live with that aspect...there's always ear plugs. 

What are your bedroom debates? Let me know in the comments below...oh and keep it clean please! 

Until next time, 

With Love & Bedroom Debates, 

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