I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t like being scared. OK so I know that people don’t actually like being scared, but they enjoy the thrill of being scared. They seek out ways to be scared as a form of fun and I’ve tried over the years to be a part of this ‘fun’, but I just don’t enjoy it and I’d rather avoid it completely. There are various stages in my life where I have attempted to ‘enjoy’ being scared, most at the expense of trying to impress my peers or looking ‘cool’ in front of classmates and lecturers. I just hated my brain being scarred with horrid images that cloud over the fluffy happy ones that I try to fill my head with. But there are a few scary movies that I can tolerate…they are the predictable but jumpy, freakishly funny but cool chick flick horrors of the 90’s…scaretriffic!
I remember being about nine and my cousins made me (I say made me, you wanted to watch them at the time to show that you were ‘cool’ and old enough to hang out with them), watch awful horror films such as the creepy clown movie It. This movie spawned my (and most of us peeps born in the 80’s I;m guessing!) fearful hate of clowns causing us to run and hide from a little face paint, crazy wig and a bright red nose. I remember trying to sleep after seeing that film…trying hard to picture anything else other than scary faced clown slowly rising up at the foot of my bunk bed, just waiting to attack me as it roared that horrific cackle. Brilliant.
|Seriously…his teeth are disgusting! They should put this photo on sweet wrappers…|
My next vivid experience with horror movies was during high school when we were about 14 and sleepovers were all the rage. We would stay up all night cramming in as many horror movies as we could, such as Pet Cemetery and Chucky (I hate Dolls because of this film…and I can’t even add a picture as he still freaks me out!). We would scare the bejesus out of each other playing stupid games such as ‘Bloody Mary’. Then we would have to go to the toilet in groups of three so that whilst one peed the other two would look out and have a witness (and backup) if they just happened to come face to face with an angry ghost who had begrudgingly been summoned by our daring games. Such ejits.
As my late teens approached, we had toned down the scary movie obsession as we could now legally drink so our time was spent planning nights out and new outfits. So imagine my disappointment when our A-Level Media teacher announced that the terms module was based on the genre of Horror. Triffic. Can’t wait. As if the prospect of studying horror wasn’t bad enough, she immediately whacked on a copy of The Exorcist to get us in the mood. Excellent. I was not impressed as this was the one horror I certainly didn’t want to ever see. Especially in a classroom without a cushion or sofa to hide behind. Only a pokey cardigan shielded me from the awful images and sounds from the scariest movie of all time. Great lesson.
My chosen subject then let me down at university when again the chirpy genre of horror came knocking in film class. Only this time I had to suck it up and watch not one, but what felt like a thousand horror films and then discuss and depict in detail every aspect of the Horror genre. Brilliant. I had to sit through the entire catalogue of Friday the Thirteenth and Halloween, along with a huge range of ‘classic’ horrors, such a Nightmare on Elm Street, The Fly, Carrie, The Shining and Psycho to name but a few. My dreams throughout this term were a bundle of joy…a mass blur of running through dark, creepy woods, stumbling over campsites, tripping in haunted houses, fighting psychotic murderers whilst covered in pigs blood and dodging giant flying insects that would throw up on my food. Nice. Needless to say I would have been much saner and happier if studying the Stereotypical Gender Roles of the Care Bears.
|You can’t go wrong in Care-A-Lot…Look how happy everyone is!|
Since meeting the Hubster, my hate for scary movies seemed to grow worse as his sister and brother in law were a fan of the dreaded horror genre. The last horror movie watched with them, Hostel, (god knows which installment…and who cares to be frank, same old gore and sick ideas) ended in them recreating a scene from it. This included a rolled up slice of chicken, copious amounts of ketchup, a pair of scissors and a camera phone…if you know the film, you know the scene (hint decapitated man parts…so gross). This only then led to my Hubster wanting to get one up on their horror scene re-creation by asking if Mum would mind if I’d lay naked in her bathtub covered in ketchup brandishing a carving knife…No Hubster that would not go down well with your future in-laws, no.
So throughout my horrible horror movie experiences, there are a few films that I think are great. They made me predictable and tame, but they are my acceptable form of the horror genre for the fainthearted. Enjoy…
Miss Enchanting Guide to Girly Horror Flicks
5. Urban Legend
Starring the gorgeous Jared Leto, this 1998 slasher film was based on the killer using methods of death that followed certain urban legends to kill their victims. This film made us check our backseats before driving off, always turn on the lights as you enter a bedroom and to check the microwave first if you can’t find your dog.
4. Hocus Pocus
Disney’s 1993 contribution to the fantasy horror comedy genre, although the comedy aspect is practically nonexistent. Whats funny about three ugly looking witches sucking the life out of children and a zombie rising from the grave who slits open his mouth, letting out mouldy old dead dust and flies before chasing three kids and a cat through a graveyard. This is scary stuff people.
3. I Know What You Did Last Summer
Now if this film doesn’t teach young drivers to report any car accidents, I don’t know what will. Consequences are a bitch. The worst part of this film for me is when Sarah Michelle Geller’s character, a former beauty queen, wakes up on the morning she is due to participate in a parade, having all her hair chopped off by the psycho killer that is after her and her friends. This film will have you hooked, literally.
2. The Craft
OK so it’s not technically classed as a horror, but it scares the pants off me and it’s my list, so there. This awesome supernatural thriller based around four teenage witches who use their powers for personal gain. The scariest part for me is at the end when the main characters home is overrun by every disgusting insect on the planet. Spiders scare me every single day of the year, not just at Halloween.
My favourite scary movie. There was such a buzz surrounding the release of this film. Having watched an array of horror films already, this film promised to break the horror genre mould and it did just that. It made horror cool and sexy and I loved it. It exposed the horror rules- the victims, the motives, the methods and it left everyone asking “What’s you favourite scary movie?”
I reached my late twenties before I could actually pluck up the courage to say- “No I’m not watching scary movies and I don’t care if you think I’m a wimp!” Wimps are cool too by the way. We’re perfectly happy not sweating our butts off whilst we claw the back of the sofa, dribbling on the cushions we’re hiding behind, whilst chewing off every nail you have left, and then crapping ones pants at 3am when you need a wee but cannot face the demons that are lurking in the hallway to kill you because you didn’t show them enough respect on the big screen. No thank you! Care Bears Rule- every time!
If my scary movie choices aren’t gruesome and thrilling enough for you then check out That Film Guy ‘s Top 30 Horror Films of All Time…I’m pretty sure you’ll find something there to tickle your terror buds this Halloween.
Until next time, sleep with the lights on…
With Love & Scary Stuff